445 S. Mary Ave. Sunnyvale, CA 94086 | 408.736.3120 | Questions? email becky@crosswalkchurch.com

Your Messy Interim Senior Pastor


So how many days this past week have you forgotten to pray?
How many times when our 21 Days of Prayer email hits your inbox do you quickly throw up a prayer for yesterday when you forgot?
And not just forget to pray - how many times have you forgotten to check in on the friend you said you'd be praying for.  Or how many times have you forgotten to be that sort of friend.
How many times have my prayers been very different than how I normally live?
How many times have my prayers been mostly about me?
How many times ......
 
My answers to these questions are likely similar to yours.
I do forget to pray!
I do throw up quick prayers when I see someone I said I’d pray for!
I often sound way more spiritual in my prayer life than likely I am!
And as for how many times my prayers are mostly about me ......
 
I am the proverbial messy Christian living a messy spirituality.
 
Not that I'm excusing my forgetting, but for too long I lived a Christianity that was filled with guilt and feelings of inadequacy.
I lived for many years a Christianity based on performance more than on grace.
If I missed a 'quiet time', if I didn't read the Bible every single day, if I wasn't filled with holy thoughts as I sat in long church services  - I was less of a Christian, maybe even not a Christian. Guilt feared me into a contrived spirituality.
 
Years ago, I bade farewell to legalism and guilt driven Christianity.
In its place came messy Christianity.
 
Stay with me - let me pivot for a few moments.
Here's a line worth pondering:
 
"If everyone in this church was just like me, what kind of church would this church be?"
 
Search your heart.
What kind of church is Crosswalk Community Church?
As I begin my time as your Interim Senior Pastor, I hope this is a church full of messy Christians.
I hope we are Christians who don't have it all together, who don't claim perfection.
 
Some time ago I learned something new about a verse that had been drawing guilt out of me for years.
The beatitudes tell us "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."
Notice it doesn't say the perfect in heart.
It's the pure in heart.
 
And that is so significant.
Soren Kierkegaard wrote a book called Purity of Heart is to Will One Thing.
And - while I may do it rather messily - I want my life to be about one thing.
That one thing is the Gospel, the Good News, The Kingdom of God, His Glory.
And as long as my heart wills that one thing, even if I’m not perfect, I will see God!
 
One of the central Scriptures of my life is 2nd Corinthians 4 vs 7:
"But, we have this treasure in clay jars (earthen vessels) that the extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us."
 
Clay jars.
Earthen vessels.
Fragile.
Flawed.
 
That's me.
Me in all my mess.
Me in forgetting to pray.
Me in sometimes trying too hard.
Me when sometimes I don't try hard enough.
 
Signed: Gilbert.
Your Messy Interim Senior Pastor trying to help a church in Sunnyvale which I hope has many messy people in it - yet pure in heart

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